I am the Lorax

“Mary” –Scissor Sisters

I listen to this song when I’m frustrated and I’ve had a rough day because it reminds me that after I’ve dealt with the frustrating person or event, I’ll still have my friends and family. It’s one of my theme songs because it keeps me optimistic and looking toward the future. It is important for me to remember to put the frustration into perspective and take a step back to see if it’s worth getting frustrated over because I often brood about small frustrations and take it personally. Life is too short to spend it being constantly frustrated and brooding. The chorus goes: “Mary/ You shouldn’t let them make you mad/ You hold the best you can/ And Mary/ After all the pain is gone/ I’m always gonna live to be your man.” This illustrates how Mary shouldn’t take things so personally and realize that she’s doing the best she can, and that’s the only thing that matters to her friend singing the song. It should be the only thing that matters to Mary as well. Another lyric goes: “Don’t spend another night alone/ Cross and wishing you were dead”. This clearly says that you shouldn’t spend your time brooding and depressed, isolating yourself from others. I learned this lesson during winter break because I got depressed and didn’t want to be around anybody, but then my friends threw me a birthday party and I felt so much better and so grateful for them.

“Margaret vs. Pauline” –Neko Case

This song draws a contrast between the haves and the have-nots, or the people who have it easy and the people who have to struggle in life. “Everything’s so easy for Pauline […] Fate holds her firm in its cradle and then rolls her for a tender pause to savor”. This quote clearly states that she has it easy and everything naturally falls into place for her. Fate takes care of her and gives her a break in life. With Margaret on the other hand, “Her bravery is mistaken for the thrashing in the lake/ of the make-believe monster whose picture was faked”. This shows that Margaret’s heroism is taken for granted because people think that her problems don’t exist. Margaret always has to fight for the things she wants and is never appreciated for it, while Pauline never has to fight and everyone loves her. This is one of my theme songs because sometimes I feel like Margaret, and at other times I feel like Pauline. It’s a constant battle of Margaret and Pauline within me, just like the title “Margaret vs. Pauline”. In my life, sometimes I struggle and no one cares, and other times things just fall into my lap.

“Geek in the Pink” –Jason Mraz

This song is really about how he’s a better guy to go out with than most because even though he may not be cool, he will genuinely care about you. The message I want to focus on, though, is how he says, I would like to go out with you, but if you don’t want to, it’s ok because we’ll both be fine without each other. “I don’t care what people think about me/ You’ll get by without me if you want”. This particular quote describes me because I don’t care so much what people think about me and if they don’t want to talk to me or deal with me it’s fine, but they’ll be the one who’s missing out. I feel this is the true message of the song, to have enough confidence in yourself to be able to put yourself out there, but without becoming clingy or needy. Being just confident enough to say, “Hey, I’m here if you need me” and nothing more. I imagine myself to be that person, so that’s why this is one of my theme songs. I can imagine myself entering a room to this song because it’s got a sort of funk beat and it’s so cool and nonchalant, and yet still a little geeky.

Another six-word autobiography:
Mixed child burned in melting pot.

Personal Ad:
Twenty-something liberal female seeking twenty-something liberal male. Must worship Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Should enjoy Time magazine and Trader Joe’s. Ownership of at least two Obama t-shirts required. Tattoo optional.

Dear 6th grade Lani,
There are about to be some radical changes in your point of view. Be prepared for the shift! 6th grade is carefree and easy, so don’t waste your time complaining about the busywork homework. Spend more time with your friends and live a little.

7th grade will be the best school year of your life. Chill out, don’t be so uptight about homework. A 94% is an excellent grade. Definitely try to make some new friends and don’t spend all your time cooped up in your room with your computer. Don’t sweat the small stuff, and try not to have a conniption and cry when you get the first D of your life (it’ll be because you forgot something was due). They will be few and far between, trust me. Don’t be such a perfectionist about the projects, the teachers don’t care that much. During these two summers you’ll be going to your performing arts summer camp. Be more outgoing and try to make friends rather than read at lunchtime.

8th grade will be awful. Just a heads up. I’m not going to tell you not to sweat it, because Algebra 1 hella matters, what with the placement tracking and stuff. Just try not to get so worked up about how you’re doing in math class. If you get too anxious and upset about it you’ll just get depressed, which isn’t any fun. You will realize halfway through the school year that you are the only Latina in your math class. (That’s part of the point of view shift.) Don’t think that because you are the only person of color in the class that you have to represent all people of color. You can only do as best you can; don’t get upset over not reaching an ideal that no one ever held you to.

9th grade will be excruciatingly boring. You’ll feel meaningless much of the time, but that’s what freshman year is for. (All caps time: DO NOT PROCRASTINATE! Nip that mofo in the bud. You do not want to pick up this habit.) All you can do is struggle through it and look forward to the summer. Your reward awaits you.

Ta-dah! The summer between 9th and 10th grade will be sooooo much fun. You’ll get to edit your first film AND you’ll meet (and flirt with) your future boyfriend. I’m not going to tell you who because it might change your feelings about him and change the future so that he’s not my boyfriend. Hint: it’s someone you wouldn’t expect. Look forward to a long (for a teenager) relationship with him.

10th grade is a good year in terms of interpersonal relationships and acquisition of knowledge about the world, but a bad year in terms of the amount of homework (which is inversely proportional to the amount of sleep I get). Do more homework on Saturdays! I know you hate it, but it’ll pay off in the long run. Don’t learn to procrastinate, it’s really not good for you. Get your homework done, do something fun, and then go to bed. You’ll feel like you’ve truly accomplished something. Most importantly, relax and be more spontaneous. You don’t need to think through every possible scenario and result before taking action. If you think about it too much, it’ll prevent you from doing anything at all. You have many more insecurities than you think you do; try to figure out why you have them, then dismiss them. They only prevent you from reaching your full potential. Manage your time! This is vital to your mental and physical health and well-being. Take care of and love yourself.

Peace,
Late 10th grade Lani

Candy apple syrup flavor and cotton candy flavor are identical. I wonder what flavoring those carnies use to make it like that, because the flavor is definitely something just a little bit more than straight sugar. My mom made candy apples yesterday and I’m eating one right now. What’s important when you make them is that you don’t coat them too thickly with the syrup. If you do, it’ll take you 5 minutes or so to find a weak spot that you’re able to bite through. The coolest thing about candy apples is the first time you bite them they crack like glass. It’s very pretty and almost poetic: the first succulent bite of the glass apple sent thin spider webs of cracks spiraling outward from the point of initial breakage.

The King Kong remake directed by Peter Jackson (he also directed Lord of the Rings) was self-indulgent and unnecessary. I’m pretty good at suspending disbelief, but come on now. (SPOILER ALERT!) After the natives of the island kidnap that chick (who looks almost exactly like Nicole Kidman but isn’t) to offer to Kong, I was like, “ OK, that makes sense.” Then Kong picks her up and shakes her hard enough to break her neck: “OK, if she died right then there would be no movie.” Then the guy who’s in love with her convinces almost the whole crew of the ship to go try to rescue her: “I guess…they all think she’s hot enough to die for…even though they’ve known her for maybe a month.” Then there was the Brontosaurus stampede and a lot of people died by getting trampled, knocked off a cliff, or eaten by raptors. “Umm…of course people can survive a Brontosaurus stampede and outrun raptors.” Then that chick almost got eaten by a lizard dino, which instead got killed by a T-rex. The T-rex proceeded to drop the meal that it just caught and instead chase after her. “Scrawny white girls are a delicacy when compared to a heaping helping of lizard meat, of course.” She outran the T-rex. “Right…” Then Kong came to save her and proceeded to beat up the T-rex. “I don’t care anymore, I just want to see some giant lizard vs. giant ape violence.” Then there were two T-rexes fighting for one white girl. “White girls must be hella tasty to T-rexes.” Then there were three. “OH, COME ON! This is just extravagant and unbelievable. Three fucking T-rexes wouldn’t survive on this small island together, let alone fight for such a small morsel of food!” It reminded me of those ads for monster truck shows where they’re like: “Not one, not two, but three rings of fire!” It seemed like Peter Jackson went to his writing staff and asked them to list what people were most scared of (dinosaurs, insects, spiders, eels, bats, and leeches) and made them all HUGE (except the dinos, which were already huge). But then all the plants on the island were normal sized. All those giant things couldn’t inhabit such a relatively small island. And the whole convoluted plot was used to let Jack Black capture Kong and bring him back to New York so that he could go on his rampage. If the point of the movie was supposed to be the chick’s relationship with the gorilla (Stockholm Syndrome), then they should have focused on it rather than making it a forgettable subplot. If you enjoy unbelievable, gross, and pointless violence, then I highly recommend this movie.

Thursday is the suckiest day of the week. It’s the day before Friday, so essentially you spend the whole day wishing it would be tomorrow already. Also, the worst days of my life have consistently fallen on a Thursday. This past Thursday, for example, was pretty sucky. It was STAR testing, so I had PE after lunch and I ran the mile and got a cramp (it was also really hot), I messed up really bad on my math quiz, and I had to agonize through Chemistry (and then my teacher made us stay in 10 minutes of lunch just because she could). Friday=the best day. I can hang out with my friends and not have to worry about homework or other responsibilities. I can play video games for hours on end, or spend time with my BF, or go to work for a while. I can do what I want.

I want it to be summer already so I can go to Puerto Rico. I’m going to go to the beach and make a huge sand castle with my little brother. Then I’ll lie on the beach while reading a novel and getting a tan. I’ll also use the free time to brush up on my Spanish and talk with my abuela to practice it. There’s going to be great weather, great people, and great food. I’m definitely looking forward to the change of scenery.

May 19th is the best day to be born. Both Malcolm X and Joey Ramone were born on May 19th. So was my mom. She was born on Malcolm X’s 39th birthday (he would never reach his 40th) and on Joey Ramone’s 13th birthday. It’s funny to think that both of them lived in the same city until Malcolm died. I never really thought of those two as existing in the same time frame, let alone the same city (even in the same borough, Queens, at the end of Malcolm’s life). I suppose because they come from such opposite worlds I automatically assumed they lived at different times. I wonder if Joey ever saw something about Malcolm on the news. I wonder what he would have thought about him.

My birthday (Jan. 6) is the twelfth day of Christmas, but the official name of the holiday in the Christian church is the Epiphany. (The Epiphany, commonly called Three King’s Day, is the day that the three wise men reached the baby Jesus in Bethlehem and bestowed upon him the finest gifts they could afford.) I would hope that my being born on the Epiphany would somehow signify that I am meant to discover something important, but I don’t believe in destiny. January 6th is also the birthday of Joan of Arc. So if being born on a certain day means anything, then I am to be a victorious discoverer. I would certainly like to be one.

I’ve gotten out of the habit of reading. Or perhaps I’ve gotten into the habit of not reading. Either way, it bothers me. So this past Friday I went out and borrowed four books from the high school library. I’ve already read one of them, but that one was a graphic novel, so I guess it doesn’t really count. I like graphic novels. I’ve started reading one series by Osamu Tezuka, the guy who created Astro Boy. He is often called the “Father of Anime”. The series I’m reading is about the life of Buddha. His books are pretty long compared to modern graphic novels. I read the first book in two days, but I couldn’t borrow the second one because somebody has it checked out (and waaaay overdue according to the librarian). So instead I checked out a different graphic novel. It’s called "Blankets" by Craig Thompson (592 pages). I liked it a lot. It’s about growing up in an Evangelical Christian family, his first love, and his early adulthood. The drawings are beautiful and often symbolic and I empathized with his feelings of guilt and shame because of his “sinning”. When I read it, I felt like I was experiencing what he had. It’s an excellent memoir and I would recommend it to everyone who’s having trouble finding their identity or is falling in love for the first time. I would really recommend it for everyone period, because it helps you to reflect upon your own life and life in general. I would also like to say that graphic novels are a legitimate art form and that just because you’ve never heard of any good ones doesn’t mean that there aren’t any. Persepolis was originally a graphic novel and the movie of it was nominated for an Academy Award.

Another thing I’ve gotten out of the habit of doing is drawing. I used to do it a lot more. Same thing with writing. I used to do a lot more things before high school. I blame honors classes. And the system. Definitely the system.

I think there’s something wrong with the school system. Even the kids who get some of the best education (us, for example) are still unsatisfied with it. Almost all of the people I know are procrastinators. Is this generation just lazy, or is there a larger problem that we’re missing? It’s interesting how when you’re in school you think things are bad, but then you get out of school and turn on the television and things are even worse.

I feel pointless and meaningless when I ponder on life for too long. That’s why I push it to the back of my mind using the distractions of the Internet and television. I felt like I had more meaning when I was reading and writing and drawing. At least I was creating something. Creating films is good too, but it’s not something I can do daily. I should read some books on philosophy. I think that would help me understand this life better.

Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-DAAAAH!

The twirling logo of America’s most popular reality show dissolves into the face of the show’s metrosexual host with a last name that sounds like a brand of deodorant. He introduces the stereotypical (but necessary) black guy with his “dawgs” and “dudes”, the bubbly everybody-gets-a-hug ex-singer, and the cynic that is generally correct but that everyone LOVES to hate. Metroman subtly insults the Cynic, and their catty banter makes everyone momentarily forget what the show is about (the results) and just eats up the air time. Metroman then proceeds to recap the entirety of the previous shows’ performances, complete with the judges’ comments and replays of particularly catty snippets of banter between himself and the Cynic.

After the disorienting flashback, Metroman introduces the contestants, a normally handsome band of pre-teen squeal-inducing teenage to thirty-something guys and gals that have been reduced to quivering piles of nerves and makeup that can barely walk up to Metroman as he calls off their names one by one to ridicule them. First up is the awkward 17-year-old frontrunner, whom my family has affectionately dubbed “Pork Chop”. (You see, his last name is Archuleta, and in Spanish chuleta means pork chop.) Pre-teen girls up through elderly women let out a resounding, “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Pork Chop begins to sweat as Metroman lists his song choice and the judges’ comments as though he is reading a list of the boy’s crimes at his trial. Metroman says something that makes it sound like Pork Chop’s out, but no one believes him and Pork Chop is declared safe. He flops down on the couch, breathing hard from the stress (of knowing he is 100% safe until at least the top three).

I begin to get bored, so I Tivo through to the end of the show, when there’s only the bottom two contestants left, the rocker chick and the country girl. I pray to Jesus that the country girl gets out, but Jesus must have been too busy watching the show to hear. The country girl is saved (Jesus, how could you?) for the third time of being in the bottom two. Metroman asks the judges if they thought the rocker chick was the right one to go. The Black Guy and the Cynic say no, and I don’t know what Bubbly says ’cuz I Tivo straight through her nonsense. The rocker chick is smiling and seems just fine as she belts out a raspy version of “Back in the U.S.S.R.” while the rest of the contestants weep for her as though they are professional mourners at her funeral. Outwardly they cry, but inwardly they rejoice at her failure because it brings them one step closer to their goal: to become the Most High, the Revered, the American Idol.

On my day off I would wake up at whatever time dawn breaks so that I could watch the sunrise from my back porch. I would have gotten 10 or more hours of sleep, so I would be fully rested and not have to rely upon the tasty evil that is coffee. Then, I would set about making breakfast, which would be a bitchin’ breakfast burrito with linguiça (Portuguese sausage) and the whole deal. I would also have hash browns.

I would get dressed and take a shower after I ate breakfast because that seems like such a luxury to me. I also enjoy eating breakfast in my pajamas. Anyway, I would wear layers, as it would be a crisp spring day. Depending on if it would rain or not, I might wear a pair of my nicer shoes or my Airwalks. It would be a day off and it would be the first Tuesday of the month (yes, this is important). I would call up my boyfriend and be like, “Hey, it’s the first Tuesday of the month. Let’s hit up the museums in SF for free.” He’d be like, “Sounds like fun.” He’d come and pick me up in his Subaru Impreza STI (I have no idea what that is, but he’s always talking about that car, so I might as well make it an ideal day for him too). He’d have his driver’s license and all that kinda stuff. Then we’d roll to SF.

First, we’d head to the Asian Art museum, which is my favorite. We’d check out the new exhibits as well as the old and we’d take pictures with our SLR professional-quality digital cameras. It’d prolly be getting around lunchtime, so we’d eat in the expensive-ass museum café which is hella delicious. They have some pretty good sushi there. Then, I’d buy a cool purse or vase or something from the gift shop.

After that, we’d head to SF MoMA, which is also a pretty cool museum, except for the art snobs and the bullshit art. I dislike people who go to MoMA just so they can sound smart. I swear I heard someone in there read off what it said on the placard next to a painting and try to pass that bullshit off as their own bullshit. Bullshit is one thing, but plagiarized bullshit? Nuh-uh, that ain’t happening. Anyway, after my boyfriend and I looked at the paintings and sculptures that have some sort of beauty or meaning, we would loudly criticize the bullshit art. (You know, the blank canvases that have a long-ass explanation of what they mean next to them.) When the art snobs come to defend the bullshit art, we would loudly criticize the art snobs and take pictures of their incensed faces with our SLR professional-quality digital cameras. Then, when the concentration of incensed art snobs grew too great, we’d hightail it to the gift shop. I’d buy some sort of art book, most likely on the featured artist or exhibit.

By this time, I’d probably be getting hungry for dinner, so we’d head to the Kabuki Theater (I don’t know where it is) which I’ve heard is a restaurant as well as a theater and apparently is a pretty cool place to hang out. (I’m hoping that it’s not 21 and up only at dinnertime, but it probably is. At any rate, on my ideal day it would be Teen Nite or something.) We’d eat some Asian food of some sort and then we’d watch a movie. I wanna see The Counterfeiters, which is set during the Holocaust. It won an Academy Award for Best Foreign Film (which Persepolis sooooo would have won if it had been placed in the Foreign Film category instead of the Animation category). I’m pretty sure they’re showing it there, but if not, we’d see some other semi-indie film. After the movie, we’d go get ice cream. Then my boyfriend would drive me back home and give me a kiss goodnight.

I’ve chosen the picture of the house at night with the daylight sky in the background because it is the only one where the impossibility of it took me a few more seconds to figure out. If you just glance at the painting, nothing seems to be out of order, but when you look closer, you notice that the darkness of the trees and the house does not correspond to the bright sky. There is also a strange shadow around the lamp, as though there were an awning there, but there is neither a front door nor an awning for it.

I believe that the house and surrounding trees, being in darkness with incongruous shadows and reflections, represents ignorance, as in the Allegory of the Cave. One reason for this is because the shadow of the “door” replaces an actual door, the same way shadows are the real thing to the ignorant people in the cave. The forest in the painting represents the cave because the brightness of enlightenment surrounds it completely, yet it manages to remain in darkness. There are lights on in the house, so clearly there are inhabitants of the House of Ignorance. These people are trapped in the house until they figure a way out, because there is no true door to the house, only a shadow and windows.

An interesting aspect of the painting is that the pond has no signs of light in it, because logically, even if we accepted that the dark in the painting was possible, the edge of the pond closest to us would contain the blue of the sky. I take this to mean that the power of ignorance is so strong that light cannot be seen even in the reflections of life. Since art is often referred to as a reflection of life, I would say the pond represents art’s purpose in reflecting the truth to those who are unable to look up to see it. From the fact that the “art” reflects no “truth” we can assume that Magritte believed that art of his time period was not living up to its purpose.

I love this piece because it makes me think harder about the philosophy in the Allegory of the Cave. It reminds me of what art is supposed to do, which is to make you think. Unfortunately, art that does seems to be growing increasingly rare, but this example inspires me to create art that fulfills that purpose.

In my ideal life, I would be a film director or possibly film editor living in a metropolitan area (most likely L.A.) in an apartment with my boyfriend. I’m not sure if I would want to be a Hollywood film director, or even if I could be one, because there are almost no female or minority directors in Hollywood, and you have complete artistic control when you make an independent film because the producers aren’t so commercially driven. If I want to attain this, I will have to move up through the rungs of the film industry, meaning I will have to start out as a production assistant. They fetch the coffee and do various other odds and ends that the important people can’t be bothered to do. They do this for very little pay because they hope to break into the film industry. I will most likely hate this initial job because it is degrading and unrewarding both monetarily and emotionally. Also, you have to save up enough money to live off of for the length of the production because most likely you won’t get paid very much, if anything at all. So, you move up the chain to become 3rd, 2nd, and then 1st assistant director until finally someone gives you a shot at being the real director. Most likely your first attempt will be a low budget movie. During this whole rung-climbing, you have to be incredibly nice to everyone because you never know who will move ahead in the industry, and people often get jobs based entirely upon the recommendations of colleagues. As they say: It’s not what you know, but who you know. I would probably have trouble with this because I don’t have very good people skills, so that’s something I’m trying to work on.

I would want my apartment to be organized and filled with mementos and objects that hold memories that are important to me. I’d probably have a collection of wooden carvings because I feel that they are beautiful. The craftsmanship required to make them reminds me of how wondrous the act of creation is and reminds me of how similar all forms of creation are, including my form: film. I already have a few of them in my room, and they contain fond memories of the place I acquired them or of the person who gave them to me. My apartment (and later my house) would be filled with trinkets from my various travels to other countries, and would feel lived-in but not too cluttered. I would also have several bookcases overflowing with my favorite books and racks filled with magazines. I would also have a scrapbook filled with newspaper clippings (if newspapers still exist) about important events so that I could better remember political, economic, and social goings-on for future reference. Also, I would have a huge collection of DVDs of my favorite movies right next to my plasma screen TV with surround sound. Ooh, that sounds so great! What can I say, I like watching movies at the theater best, so I would try to recreate that environment. But really, the best way to see a movie is in the theater, surrounded by strangers who are there for a common purpose: to lose themselves in a new world and, perhaps (often inadvertently), learn something about humanity and gain understanding of another person’s point of view. I feel that if more people would listen to other people, a lot of problems in the world would be solved. But, because a lot of people only want to listen to like-minded people and yes-men, art has to bridge the gap. But perhaps my thoughts on this matter are only my teenaged naïveté.

Anyway, I would own a hybrid or other future “green” car, but NOT a Prius. My car will be sexy; an ugly car would not tolerated. I would have my own style for a change, rather than the mish-mash of clothes I currently own. I will have gone to a college to learn about film, but also to learn other marketable skills so that I can support myself in times where I can’t find a job in the industry. I would find a job that I could do to bring in money that I would also like, so that I don’t hate my life in the interim between film jobs. I definitely want to have a career, not a job. I don’t want to just have a job to support the fun things that I like to do in my spare time; I want to love my job. Hopefully, that job will be in film, but if not I will do something that will make a difference in the world, like working for a nonprofit that fights for human rights. I don’t really desire a lot of money, because that wouldn’t make me happy. I would like to have enough money to live comfortably, you know, be able to treat myself every once in a while. Nobody wants to be poor.

After I’ve moderately established myself in the film industry (hopefully in my late 20s-early 30s), I’d like to get married and have a child. I don’t want to end up single and alone because of my career. That wouldn’t be fulfilling. Unfortunately, working in film isn’t conducive to family life as it greatly restricts your free time. Perhaps independent film would be better for this, as I could have a more flexible schedule.
I would also want to travel abroad and live in a different country for a while. A friend of mine is always talking about how when my boyfriend and I are older, then we’ll all go live in Martinique together for a while. I’m not so sure that this will actually happen, but in my ideal life it would. Perhaps I could learn some French while I’m there. I’d also want to live in Puerto Rico for a while because my parents are talking about sending me to Puerto Rico for a summer so that I can learn about my heritage and learn Spanish better, so I’d feel right at home living there. I’d probably want to live in San Juan or Ponce, as they are the biggest cities there I know of and have more stores than in the countryside. Also, it’s not a very big island, so the countryside wouldn’t be far away if I wanted to explore. I think it would be cool to know all of the Romance languages, meaning I would learn Spanish as well as French and Italian. I aspire to be a citizen of the world, rather than just the United States, and I feel that you can achieve that through travel and learning about other cultures and languages. I enjoy the Caribbean, and whenever I’m in a tropical climate, I feel like I am at home. Like, when my family went to Hawai'i this past summer, so much of the feel of the island reminded me of Puerto Rico and that happy and relaxed feeling of belonging. I’d probably go island-hopping to explore the different cultures of the Caribbean. I’d also want to visit Europe and Japan because I feel that being adaptable is an important human skill and that the only way to gain that skill is to force myself out of my comfort zone. I want to challenge myself to try something new every day. Also, I really enjoy Japanese food, and I want to try some authentic cuisine from Japan and perhaps learn to cook some of it for myself. (Same goes for most of the places I’ll visit.) I also love the art in Europe and Japan and feel that their classical (as well as their modern) arts could inspire me to create or think about my art in a whole different way. As I’ve stated earlier, I seek to understand as many viewpoints as possible before coming to my own conclusions about the world. (And I feel that all people should seek this.) Primarily, I seek Truth, and the only way to find it is to look for it in as many places as possible. My current version of the truth is biased and currently (perhaps inherently) only a partial truth, otherwise known as a half-lie. I am not sure that what I seek exists, nor do I expect to recognize it if I do find it. Millions of people before myself have sought the same thing and still come up with no more than partial truths. So how can I hope to be successful where millions have failed? Perhaps the search for the Ultimate Laws of the Universe is a fruitless one, as a person cannot be absolutely objective. Maybe if everyone on Earth were to look then we would find it. I do not know, but I hope to understand one day.

In my ideal life, I will achieve enlightenment and enlighten as many others as I can. This most likely seems arrogant of me, but I do not claim to be superior, only lucky to have been placed in a position that grants me the ability to gain wisdom, understanding, and knowledge as well as the ability to pass that wisdom on to others so that they may better their lives. Ever since I was small I sought to understand, and as I have matured I have come to realize that understanding is not the ultimate goal, but is rather a stepping-stone to altruism. How can you help others if you do not understand their problem? Doctors do not make diagnoses based on what a friend of the ailing says is wrong. They examine the patient thoroughly before coming to a conclusion. Similarly, we must examine our own world for its ailments before prescribing treatments that will stop the current symptom temporarily but that will not cure the disease. There are people who are helping other people enormously, but no solution works for every problem. I hope that I will be one of those who will fight for those who cannot fight for themselves and that I will champion an important cause. Currently, I am searching for that cause. I do not want to live and die without helping people who are less fortunate than myself. I, like many others, do not want to be forgotten when I die.

I guess I will begin at the beginning. In preschool, it was all about active wear. I used to wear elastic leggings everyday along with an oversized T-shirt, one of my various windbreakers, and slip-on sneakers. I wore this strange uniform because the leggings and the T-shirt allowed me free movement, the windbreaker kept me from getting cold, and the slip-ons were to prevent me from wasting time tying my shoes. (What’s funny is, I got made fun of for wearing the slip-ons then cuz they were dorky, but now they’re the height of coolness. Why is that?) I also used to rock the Velcro light-up sneakers. So cool.

I changed up my style in 4th grade when I decided it’d be cool if I dressed like a boy. I got the baggy jeans, the big T-shirts, and I also wore a lot of puka shells. Around this period, I discovered the magic that is Vans. I bought these olive green Vans out of the boy’s shoe section and since then I’ve always bought skateboarding shoes. (They're usually Vans, but I've been wearing Airwalks recently. In fact, I just bought a new pair this week. They're white leather with powder blue suede lining and I love them.) (Later I got accused of jumping on the Vans bandwagon after they became super popular again.) It’s funny cuz I didn’t know they were skating shoes until later; I just thought they were comfortable and looked cool. I don’t even know how to skateboard.

I guess this would be a convenient time to mention my hair. I wore it long and combed back into a ponytail (super frizzy) until 6th grade, when I cut it really short. I discovered that my hair was not naturally flat and frizzy, but buoyant and curly (quite a surprise). I kept it super short through middle school until I started to let it grow out again in my freshman year.

In seventh grade, I went through a second “I’m going to dress like a boy” phase. I wore baggy pants and huge shirts again. This time, though, it looked awful because I was curvy and the boy-clothes were cut for angular people—like I had been in 4th grade. Luckily, I quickly discovered how awful this looked and the phase only lasted for a couple months. In the second month of this phase, I got my hair braided with brown and neon blue extensions. I got a lot of compliments on that hairstyle, and it caused many people to ask me if I am part black, which I thought was interesting as few people had asked me that before. I still think that hairstyle was cool, but if I were to do it again I’d keep it all natural and only do cornrows on one side of my head.

Currently, I don’t have much of a style; I just try to wear clothes that fit. I’d have to say I dress rather plainly and my wardrobe isn’t at all cohesive. I have a few t-shirts that I cycle every couple weeks, two or three jackets that I wear consistently, a grand total of four pairs of jeans, and a variety of odds and ends and my nice clothing that I wear when I’m going to shop in San Francisco, when I go out with my boyfriend, or when there’s a special occasion. I haven’t gone shopping in a while, but because I don’t quite know what I’m looking for or wear to get it, I always buy clothing that looks nice but that doesn’t match with my wardrobe as a whole. I really think I just need to start over again when it comes to clothes. Once I have a steady job in college, I’m going to save up and go shopping for a whole new wardrobe like on What Not to Wear. Well, I might keep some stuff.

1. Do you believe in karma?

Not really. In a general sense, I don't believe in karma because really awful things happen to really good people all the time. Also, karma is basically believing that people always "get what they deserve" or "what goes around comes around". I don't believe anyone deserves to get murdered or raped. Likewise, I don't believe anyone deserves to have insane amounts of power and/or money and dominate others who have less. And yet this shit happens day in and day out. If karma in this general sense existed, it would probably become some form of currency because it would be essential to people's well-being. People would buy "karma offsets" when they were going to do something "bad" or immoral so they wouldn't get an equivalent immoral act done to them.

In a more specific sense, I've noticed that often when someone says something mean to someone else, they'll trip and fall or get bitten by a cat or something. I don't know if this proves the existence of "word karma", but it is hilarious.

2. What one current event in any aspect of world news do you think is being most neglected or underrepresented?

Most likely it's something I haven't heard about. But one thing I am an advocate for is stopping gang violence, which gets press in local newspapers but not on a national scale. It tears communities apart and its causes are preventable, but no one seems to care except people who have been affected by it and who have to live with it everyday.

3. If you could have any one superpower, what would it be and why?

I think I'd like to have the power to understand other people's point of view, because my view isn't necessarily right and I want to learn from other people. Unfortunately, because I have my own biases it's hard for me to listen completely to people who's ideas on politics, economics, and philosophy differ greatly from my own and it may cause me to miss out on some aspect on the truth of the matter, or if it is not the overall truth then it causes me to miss out on their personal truth.

4. If you could invite any 5 famous people or characters to your birthday party, who would you pick?

Frida Kahlo
Plato
Martin Luther King Jr.
Malcolm X
Mahatma Gandhi

I picked these people just because I'd like to know their philosophies and struggles better. I know, I know, Martin is stereotypical, but I wanted to provide some balance to Malcolm.

5. If you could live in any film or book, what would you select? Would you want to be one of the characters, or would you want to be you (introduced as a new character)?

I'd want to live in "The White Boy Shuffle" because the characters are so vibrant and real. I relate to them, and I feel like I already know them. They really seem like the kind of people I'd want to hang out with in real life and talk about poetry, philosophy, music, and racial relations.

6. Who of your friends would make the best president? I can't wait to know why.

I really don't think any of my friends would make a particularly good president. That would require a lot of responsibility and understanding of the issues. The only person I can think of is my friend Marcus, but he has a lot of Republican philosophies that I don't agree with (he believes that people do not have a moral obligation to pay taxes that go to welfare or unemployment). He's probably going to end up in politics anyway, at least, if he can make it as a black Republican.

7. I used to always trip out that my strawberry Chapstick tasted so strongly like strawberries (and why was I eating so much Chapstick?). Then I realized that it wasn't the taste that was strong; it was the smell. They say that smell is the strongest scent. What is your favorite smell? USE CONNOTATIONS, FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE, OR ANALOGY in your (butter) saucey answer.

My favorite smells are the ones that remind me of happy memories. The smell of Christmas trees is a good one. Oh my God...I just thought of it. My favorite smell is the smell of garlic cooking in olive oil. You cannot beat that. Garlic in olive oil=something hella tasty. Usually, it's going to be Puerto Rican or Italian food that has those two main ingredients, and those are two of my favorite cuisines.

8. If you could invent a new class for AHS to teach, what would it be?

I want a class in real-world application of knowledge. I'd like a Business class, which would include how banks work and how to do taxes and other essential knowledge. In general, I'd like there to be an elective Economics class that we can take before senior year. Also, vocational classes like metal-working or carpentry would be awesome.

9. Identify any symbol from any film ever (pick your favorite if you can think of many from which to choose). Identify what it means and why you picked it.

The mask of Guy Fawkes that V wears in V for Vendetta. It represents how revolution can be anonymous and purely by the people, rather than orchestrated and headed by some puffed-up political leader. I picked the mask because it was the first symbol I thought of.

10. Will humankind still exist in 300 years?

I think in 300 years we'll all be living underground, in protective bubbles on the surface, or on other planets. But I think we'll find a way to exist.

11. What is the most embarrassing song to ever grace your IPOD? Why was it there, may I ask?

Um....I don't own an iPod. I found an iPod once, but I returned it to the office because I don't like stealing, even by accident. That said, I don't believe I have any embarrassing songs on my computer. It's not like I have some Barney songs on my iTunes or something.

12. Corey Chin's brilliant question (and it's got me curious): How much would you charge to clean Mr. Ross' microwave?

I haven't seen Mr. Ross' microwave, but I'm guessing it's gross. I'd probably assess the situation and decide if it would take me a long time to clean it or not. If it would take a long time, then I'd charge an hourly rate; if it wouldn't, I'd charge a flat rate. This way, I could get the most money possible. But if it was REALLY gross, then I just wouldn't do it.

13. Did you support your answers?

Yeah, I think I did pretty well.

I can’t believe Mr. Ross is making me do this when I could be stressing out about Feb. 5th. I swear to God it seems like every fucking thing is happening on Tuesday. It’s Super Tuesday, it’s the first day of the CAHSEE, I have my film class after school, and to top it all off, my mom’s getting hip surgery. Pretty damn stressful. I mean, I guess I shouldn’t really worry about the exit exam, cuz for us highly educated Albanians it should be no problem. But I get kinda offended when people are all like, “The exit exam is sooooo fucking easy, you’d have to be a retard not to pass”. Swear to God, I heard someone say that. I know people who didn’t pass the exit exam the first time and it doesn’t make them retarded, it just means that the school system didn’t serve them well. Our schools wouldn’t be serving us very well either if our parents didn’t have the extra money to donate to all of our programs. So I consider myself lucky and privileged to go to a public school (especially in California, which has school system that is notoriously underfunded) where our parents have enough cash to spare to make sure our education is taken care of. Also, it’s important to remember that we have teachers who care. I have heard so many stories about teachers using their own money to pay for school supplies because there’s simply not enough money in the state budget for education. It’s really sad, especially when you think about the budget cuts that are being proposed. I mean, our state is in debt, but I think that in the long run that taking money out of education will hurt us more than being in debt will. Overall, I’d have to say the U.S.A. is pretty fucked up and I’ve thought seriously about moving after I get out of high school. Perhaps I should wait until I’ve gotten out of college, but since the price of higher education is going up year after year, perhaps I should check out how much college costs in Europe. Yeah, I guess that wasn’t as random as it was supposed to be, but that’s my thought process for you. Um, if I had more time I’d write about all my other stresses, but I’ve just hit the 12-minute mark.

Track 1: The Doors, People are Strange
The chorus of this song, “People are strange/When you’re a stranger” makes me reflect on how Sam Spade is a stranger to everyone, even his own partner, and their weaknesses seem strange to him. This is because he is so (emotionally) far removed from everyone else that he can interpret their actions more objectively than most. The line “Faces look ugly/When you’re alone” means that when you are a loner (like Sam is) you tend to see the worst (or ugly) sides of all people. This relates to how Sam can trust nobody because he always sees them for what they are because of his isolation. The next line, “Women seem wicked” sums up Sam’s view on women in general. The women in his life (excluding Effie Perine) always seem to be out to get him. Of course, in his line of work, it is probably best to think this way.

Track 2: Gorillaz, New Genious (Brother)
The line “I blew a bad man away, today” is what Spade is trying to do in his job, put away the “bad guys” in jail. Blowing somebody away implies some kind of gun, so it also relates to how all the people in The Maltese Falcon are trigger-happy and enjoy blowing all the “bad men” away. The first half of the chorus “Brother, sister too/Do what you must do” reminds me of how everyone in the novel does whatever they have to in order to get what they want. The second half of the chorus “Don’t trust people you meet/They might promise you/That the river ain’t deep” exemplifies the tone of the whole novel, especially the mindset of Sam Spade. It means that you shouldn’t trust strangers because they will do whatever they can to get what they want, even tell you that a deep river you want to cross is shallow if they have something to gain from your drowning.

Track 3: G-Unit, Eye for Eye
The chorus of this song, “Nigga you shit on me/I'll shit on you/You put a hit on me/I'll put a hit on you/A eye for an eye nigga/Survive the shots or die nigga” mirrors the tit-for-tat way Sam Spade plays the game. If the police mess with him, he messes with them back. Nobody makes a fool of Sam Spade. The line “Not your buddy, not your pal, not your homie/There ain't a government around that can control me” relates to how he is all business and again shows that the police don’t control him and that he is his own separate entity. Another line “Feds tryin to question me/They run up in my hotel/They said there was a shootin'/But they found no shells” directly relates to how Sam is always a suspect in police investigations, but that they never have any solid evidence to prove that he did it.

Track 4: Loyalty, D12 (Feat. Obie Trice)
The line “Why would I give a fuck about you if we ain’t family?” is the way Sam Spade thinks about all his cases. The only person he really considers family is Effie Perine because she has always been there for him and put up with the dangerous conditions his job puts her in. He’s not loyal to anyone but her, and thus is driven to solve his cases purely for moral reasons and money. In the next verse a different rapper says, “Every night that I chill in, I fight by free will/Knowing I can be killed”. This is what Sam Spade puts up with every day in his detective work. But unlike the gangster rappers in D12, Sam is fighting to bring criminals to justice, not to perpetrate crime. Every night that Sam Spade “chills in” he knows he is risking his life. Much later in the song, a different rapper says, “We’ll even lay you out in front of the chief of police”. This is similar to how Sam Spade is not afraid to lie in front of the police and make it plain that he is withholding information for his own ends. He and D12 are bold like this because they know the police can’t and/or won’t do anything about it.

Track 5: Backstabber, Eminem
In the second verse of this song, Eminem says, “Be advised that he’s wise/He could be disguised as one of your very own guys”. Sam knows that anyone could potentially be a backstabber, so he doesn’t trust anyone. He especially doesn’t trust those who are within his own circle, which consists of the cops. Much later in the song, he says “Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned/They’re only powerful when you’ve got your back turned”. Again, this is why Spade never trusts anyone, because he’s afraid that it will be his downfall. If you trust someone enough to turn your back on them and not watch them, they have an apt opportunity to stab you. In a later line he says, “ He shed his skin, then he promised to come clean/I took his butcher knife and jabbed it into his spleen”. This parallels the way Spade treats Brigid at the end of the book. She tells him the truth (finally) and promises not to tell any more lies because she loves him, and Spade “stabs her in the spleen” by sending her to jail. Both Spade and Eminem saw through the backstabber’s lies and gave them their just desserts.

I wouldn't say that I have a favorite food at all if I had the choice. In fact, you'd be hard pressed to find a food I don't like. I enjoy trying new and exotic (at least, to me) flavors, and would get incredibly bored if I ate the same kind of food all the time. I decided to write about coconut. I was trying to come up with something else; I wasn't sure if coconut counted because it's a nut and not a cooked or otherwise prepared food. Coconut is the only food that I have had enough memorable experiences with to write about. I didn't want to write a fictional account of me eating a food because I would have no idea what to say. Ironically, the idea of describing food doesn't sound very appetizing to me.

My experience with coconut began when I was young. The first form of it I had was dried, shredded, tightly packed and covered with chocolate. It was just one of the many flavors of See’s Candies I enjoyed at Christmastime. I could never understand why most other children my age didn’t like it. It was sweet, slightly crispy if toasted, and possessed a flavor and texture all its own. Originally, that’s all I thought there was to coconut. Oh, how wrong I was.

My second, and most enlightening, experience with coconut was when I was a little bit older. I was at some summer camp and one of the counselors brought little pieces of fresh(er than shredded) coconut to try. It seemed very strange to me; like seeing a platypus for the first time. The pieces of coconut flesh seemed dry when you picked them up, but when you bit into them they released an intoxicating drug of ten times the concentration of that wimpy shredded stuff. What made it fun was that the half-shells could be used as little hats or to make clip-clop noises and pretend to be a cowgirl on her trusty steed. I managed to whisk away the Plate of Wonder to my secret Cave That’s Actually Just This Corner Behind a Tree and finished getting my fix in private. I thought I had reached the peak of deliciousness when it came to coconut, but in reality I had only reached the foothills of Mount Coco.

Until you have eaten a young (or green) coconut fresh off the tree on a tropical island, you have not eaten coconut. If you have not eaten coconut, you cannot say you dislike coconut. Therefore, unless you have eaten a young coconut straight off a palm tree in a tropical area and can honestly say you did not like it at all; you cannot accurately make any sort of statement regarding the delectability of coconut. (In terms of addiction, fresh coconut is to shredded coconut as crack is to coca leaves.) In Puerto Rico, a roadside stand favorite is coco frío (translates to “cold coconut”), which is a freshly picked coconut with the top hacked off with a machete, chilled, and then served with a straw and very possibly some rotisserie chicken (or pork) and fried plantains. My first experience with coco frío was confusing because I thought that the liquid inside a coconut was coconut milk, not coconut water. For those of you who don’t know, coconut milk is not the liquid inside of a coconut. Coconut milk is made by grating the flesh of the coconut and mixing it with warm water. Coconut water is not as sweet, but it is a much more refreshing beverage on a hot day. Some of my most memorable experiences of Puerto Rico were my seemingly never-ending attempts to shake or knock down coconuts from the palm trees on the beaches. The best part about coconut is (are?) its multiple uses. How many things can you list that you can eat, drink, and use as a convenient and stylish knick-knack holder?

Unfortunately, the coconuts in the United States are not nearly as delicious as the ones in Puerto Rico. (They are still fun to open, though. How many foods do you get to smash with a hammer to eat? Opening coconuts is a proven stress reliever. Just imagine the head of your sworn enemy and smash away. Or, if you have one available, use a machete. If you’re eating a fresh coconut that hasn’t already been partially cut open by the grocery store it may be necessary.) The only place I know of where you can get fresh coconuts is Bua Luang on Solano. They sell the Thai version of coco frío there; I buy it every time I go. It costs around three dollars and you get a refreshing drink as well as a luscious dessert. I would buy those coconuts to go if I could. A more common alternative to this is canned coconut water. It’s not as delicious or as fun, but the kind with the little chunks of coconut flesh in it is a close second. I hope those of you who have hated shredded coconut in the past will perhaps give its fresher incarnation the chance to become your favorite food.

1. If you could be a fly on anybody's wall, on whose wall would you perch? Why? What would you do with the information?

I would probably be a fly on the wall of a big Hollywood movie studio so I could see what they really do on set. I could see all the drama between the actors who don't get along and watch the director yell at his/her underlings. Or watch the director speak nicely to their underlings...I don't know really what goes on at one of those studios. It'd be really cool to see them work on a big scale production with all the elaborate sets and costumes. I would use this information to ask myself if this was really the profession I wanted to go into, or if I'd prefer to stay indie and avoid Hollywood altogether.

2. What is your favorite piece of art? Describe what it looks like. Why do you like it so much? How does it make you feel? Does it tell a story? Have symbolism?

Uh...I guess this question is leaning towards some sort of painting or sculpture being the desired answer (as opposed to a poem or film), so I will answer the question as such. Ummm....uhhhh...I don't really look at that kind of art too often. Or at least not often enough to have a memorable favorite. Ok, never mind, I can't even think of a painting or sculpture. My favorite piece of art right now is "Pan's Labyrinth". I like it so much because it has a realistic ending that is sad yet uplifting. It gives you hope. SPOILER ALERT! I loved how Ofelia clung to her brother, trying to ensure his safety, even though she knew it would mean her death. She finally returned to her kingdom in the other world as a princess. It truly was a beautiful movie, though it was filled with violence and death. But I thought it was an accurate representation of life because life is filled with these kinds of parallels.

3. If you could choose your parents, how would they be? Describe how they look, act, and parent. What do they do (for work, hobbies, etc)?

I already like my parents. We get along pretty well, and we understand each other for the most part. The only things I wish were different about them are that I wish they were more social and more artistically inclined. That way, we would have more friends of the family and I would be able to ask them more in depth questions about my art.

4. If you could live in any decade, which one would it be and why? ELABORATE. What opportunities would you take advantage of in said decade?

I would most likely live in this decade or in the future because civil rights for women and minorities are the best they've been in history (though still not the best they could be). Also, medicine and other technological advances are the best they've ever been and they will only get better in the future. I wouldn't want to live in the past.

5. If you could/had to be any Disney character, who would it be and why?

I would be Mulan because she's the only female Disney character that kicks ass. She entered the military so that her father wouldn't have to and in the process she saved China from the invasion of the Mongolians. She's also one of three minority Disney princesses (the other two being Pocahontas and Princess Jasmine, unless Mermaid counts as a minority). Also, she has a pet dragon.

6. There is a difference between the moral man and the criminal in that the moral man has a legitimate reason to steal. Support or refute this idea (that a person's objectively bad deeds can be justified by the subjectivity of their life).

This is that whole equity vs. equality thing again, huh? The funny thing about this question is that the moral man and the criminal really most likely aren't barely different at all except for their situations. Really, people take for granted the effect environment has on people. People tend to think that the criminal has a specific type of mindset that makes him/her a criminal. I thought so too until I read "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell. In it, he speaks about epidemics of all sorts and how they catch on. One epidemic he talks about is the epidemic of crime that used to be in New York City. In the '90s, New York was at the peak of its crime epidemic, but then the crime rate plummeted. Why? All evidence points to a theory on crime called the "Broken Windows" theory that was counteracted during this time. This theory says that if a window is broken and is not fixed, then people will think the area is not cared for and will be more likely to commit crimes because no one will try to stop them or snitch on them. So the NYPD started cleaning graffiti off the subway cars and cracking down on panhandling and fare-beating at the subways. They arrested people for being drunk in public and urinating in public. By the end of the decade there were 75% fewer felonies on the subways than there had been at the start. So, if the moral man and the criminal man had grown up and/or lived in each other's environments, most likely they would act in the same way as their opposite. Obviously there would be differences in personality, but studies have shown that peers and environment influence children more than even their parents do. In this case, I would say that all wo/men are equal before the law and that the sentence should be proportional to the offense (in this case the amount stolen), regardless of the supposed morality of the person committing the crime. Of course, this general rule applies only if the laws and sentences are just. Also, this rule does not apply if there is some sort of catastrophe and a person must steal neccessities to keep themselves and their loved ones alive. In conclusion, when it comes to stealing (without survival circumstances), equality prevails. Unfortunately, many people are victims of their environment in this way. I'm not saying it excuses violence and other crimes in these urban areas, but we definitely should work on eliminating broken windows and strengthening education in these communities so that everyone gets an equal chance to be the "moral man".

This first section is a short prologue to the movie, just so that later parts make sense. So, in the beginning there is a 16-year-old-girl (for the sake of this entry, we’ll call her Eliza) who is quite unsure of herself and her place in the world. She gets pregnant, decides to have the baby, and when it is born she puts it up for adoption. She then ditches school to move to L.A. so that she can become an actress. She thought that being rich and famous would solve all her problems.

Fast Forward 16 Years (This is where the movie actually starts.)

Eliza has become a children’s entertainer (she dresses up in costumes and does magic tricks for children’s birthday parties) and also gets paid to pose for nude pictures that are sold by an agency online. Whenever she talks about her work she refers to herself as an “actress” and a “model”. Hilarity ensues when the father of the birthday girl she is entertaining recognizes her from her nude pictures online. On the way driving home from this particular party, her car breaks down in a bad part of town and it begins to rain. She flops out of the car (she is wearing a mermaid outfit from performing at the party) and sees if there is anything she can do to get it started again. A teenaged, slightly dirty homeless-looking boy offers to help her push her car. The car starts up again and he stands there looking needy, so she gives him a five from the $25 she just made working at the party. She wonders if she gave him enough…he looked so young. She finds him again later at a convenience store in the same area. She feels like he shouldn’t be out just taking care of himself, so she asks him to come live with her. (I know, I didn’t figure out the details of that part.) He does, and she soon discovers that he’s her son because he’s 16, he looks like her, and he told her that he was looking for his mom because his foster parents told him that she had moved to L.A. He is angered when he realizes that she is his mother because she abandoned him, so he runs away. She finds him at the spot where they met and convinces him to come with her on one condition: he must meet his father. Before they set off to find him, she calls around to see where he is, and during this time her son finds the nude pictures of her. He doesn’t understand how she could sell herself out like that and tells her that she is worth so much more than that. She finds out that the boy’s father is in New York, so they gather up what they have and make the trip to the Big Apple. On the journey to finding the boy’s father, both Eliza and her son discover talents within themselves that they never knew they possessed.

My pitch is pretty cheesy, I know, but I believe it has a lot more depth than most mother-son movies. Actually, I can’t think of any mother-son movies in the first place. It’s always father-son or mother-daughter. This story would not have a perfectly happy ending because the father and Eliza are not going to get married and live happily ever after. But I believe my ending would be a more real-life happy ending because Eliza would learn to be more self-sufficient and independent and her son would learn how to just be a kid again. They would really grow as a family. This is a movie I would want to see because there are a significant number of single-parent families in the United States and all over the world, but they continue to be underrepresented in television and movies.

I would invent a contact lens that had a microscopic video camera in it. This would be very useful to me and other filmmakers because we would not have to lug around a giant, expensive video camera (or even any video camera at all) in order to get the shot we wanted. This would be especially good in the case of documentaries, because then the subjects being documented would not know whether you are recording them or not. I would also invent microphones that you could put in your ears. These microphones would be so small that you couldn’t see them unless you looked in the person’s ears with a magnifying lens.

This invention would be good for filmmakers and other artists who are looking for inspiration for their art. I know there have been so many instances in my life where something funny or inspirational happened and immediately after it happened I said, “Damn, I wish I had recorded that!” It’d be so much easier to have these instances recorded on a hard drive so that I could watch them over again rather than having to recall them much later and lose the authenticity and spontaneity that made the moment so special.

This invention would also be good for spies so that they could have records of all the goings on of the people they are spying on. This would allow them to have reliable accounts of who is going to get killed, who got killed by who, and where the pick-up spot is. This would work especially well when a spy is killed in the line of duty, then the detectives could take their contacts out of their eyes and see who killed them.

I have no idea how this invention would work, nor do I think it is entirely feasible. One thing I do know, though, is that having one (or two, in case I wanted to do 3-D) of these contact lenses would be the radest thing ever.

1. What is your favorite book?

My favorite book is The White Boy Shuffle by Paul Beatty. It’s about a (black) boy named Gunnar Kaufman growing up in South Central L.A. It’s about racism and about growing up in the ghetto. The characters in it are vibrant and more real than some “real” people I’ve met. It’s deep and meaningful in parts, but also incredibly funny in others. I have read it 4 times already and I’ve gotten something different out of it each time. It is a fantastic and eye-opening book.

2. If you could/had to live in any country besides the United States, where would it be?

I would live in England because there’s a lot of history to that country. It’d be interesting to visit some of their museums. Also, there’s a lot of creative people in England, and a lot of great art. Mainly, there is no language barrier preventing me from communicating with ease.

3. Who is your favorite superhero?

My favorite superhero is Batman because he is a badass. I think it’s cool that he doesn’t have any actual powers but instead invented equipment so that he could fight crime like a powered superhero. Batman’s message is: you don’t have to be born great to become great.

4. If you could change any one law, what would it be?

Hmmm. Well, I don’t know what specific law it is, but I’d make people pay taxes in proportion to their salaries, rather than the rich using all the loopholes in the tax system to get out of paying taxes and the middle and lower classes having to pick up the slack.

5. Is life a matter of reality or is it all just based on perception?

There are certain facts that are accepted in life. The sky is blue. When you drop something it falls. The only things that are for certain are death and taxes. How you interpret these facts will alter your perception of reality. If life were entirely based on reality, there would never be any miscommunication. The reason for miscommunication is that people perceive things differently. If I said, “I’ve picked a flower,” to you there are a number of ways you could interpret it. First of all, when I say flower, which flower do you think of? A rose perhaps? Or a daisy? If I was thinking of an iris, then already there is a miscommunication. And then, you might interpret the phrase to mean “I’ve picked a flower for you”, when in fact I meant “I’ve picked a flower for my mother”.

Also, if life were only a matter of reality, then we would never have any different interpretations of literature in English class. We would all understand the “reality” of the book or theme within the book, and we would all come to the same conclusion about what it means.

6. Is it better to be too hot or too cold?

I think it’s better to be too cold because you can always run around in circles or do jumping jacks to keep warm. Or you could huddle with others and share body heat. If you’re too hot you get all tired and lazy and angry. At least when you’re cold you don’t get so cranky.

7. Which is better: to get in a car accident that isn't your fault and lose a leg or to get into a car accident that is your fault and kill an old lady?

’Tis better to ride the bus.

I would rather lose a leg, though, because the guilt of killing someone because of my carelessness would be worse than having to use a prosthesis.

8. Do you believe that pain and suffering is a necessary part of life?

Yes, I do. If there were no pain and suffering, no one would appreciate pleasure and happiness. They would be taken for granted, and people would not strive to do what makes them happy because they would already be happy. Everyone would just laze around doing nothing all day. Also, a lot of creative energy comes out of suffering (not that you have to suffer to make great art) because artists want to convey these emotions to other people who have not experienced them in the same way to help them vicariously experience these emotions without having to actually live them. This can help them to appreciate life more.

9. Is animal testing acceptable?

Animal testing is acceptable if it is as humane as it can possibly be. If the animals must be in pain (which they should try to refrain from), then after the test they must be cared for appropriately to help to restore them to what they once were before the test.

10. Do you believe that ghosts exist?

I believe that spirits exist, sure. I think it is incredibly rare to see them, though, and I think your mind has to be in a certain place for them to be visible. What I mean is, if you believe it’s absolutely impossible for spirits to exist, you won’t see them. If you leave room for possibility, you will.

11. Do you believe that you can never have too much of a good thing?

No, I believe you can have too much of a good thing. If you eat too much good food, you’ll get sick. If you drink too much good wine, you’ll get sick. And if you buy too many material things you’ll get sick of your shallowness. Moderation is key to living a healthy life.

12. Do you believe that school is the best way to make a person smarter?

Definitely not. Real world experience and application is the best way to make a person smarter. If you learn something and then use it in real life, you are more likely to remember it and learn from it than you are from rote memorization in school. In this way, you will become smarter. In school, most of the time you just forget everything you’ve learned over the summer.

13. Do you believe that Free Market Capitalism is fair? If not, what would you suggest?
I don’t think market capitalism is fair because people aren’t on an equal standing. Everyone has different advantages and disadvantages. But that’s part of what makes it great. People who have a large disadvantage can still make it if they work hard and have a little bit of luck. I don’t think communism would help anything. If I make money, I want to keep what I earn. If I know I’m not going to keep what I earn anyway, then there’s no point in me making a lot of money.

14. Do you believe that war can be justified?

No. I believe the defense of your country and its citizens can be justified, but other than that, warfare of any kind is nonsensical. So many conflicts in the world today could be solved with a little diplomacy.

15. If you could switch your gender, but it had to be permanent, would you?

No, I like being a girl. I get to be girly some of the time, but I don’t have to be all of the time. I think guys have it worse sometimes because there are so many more restrictions placed on what is socially acceptable and unacceptable for them to do. Like, I can wear skirts or pants, and guys are only “allowed” to wear pants. I don’t think that’s very fair. But also, I’d rather just stick to what I know.

16. Do you think you are anyone's favorite person in the world?
No answer.

My favorite hobby is filmmaking. Although, a hobby makes it sound like it’s something you do purely for fun. When I think of hobbies I think of stamp collecting and model making. Hobbies are just trivial little nothings to amuse you. Filmmaking is a passion. Certainly you have to have passion for it in order to do it, considering the amount of time it takes up and the little to no pay you receive when you are first starting out. Not that any of this affects my love for filmmaking or my enthusiasm for it. In fact, it only makes the reward taste sweeter. Nothing could keep me from making movies. From writing them to storyboarding them, from casting them to filming them, from editing them to showing them at a venue (even when it’s just your 10th grade English class), I am enthralled by every aspect of filmmaking. After all, this is what I want to do for a living.

My history with filmmaking is rather shallow, but the events leading up to my discovery of filmmaking as something that I could actually do are rather winding and intriguing. It began when I was very small. I had always loved singing, but I felt I wasn’t good at it. I wanted to be a pop star, but I always lied when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I often told people I wanted to be a lion tamer, because I thought that would be something an adult would expect a silly little kid to want to be; something unrealistic and fanciful. I soon realized my own dream was as unrealistic as my lie, as I could never sing in front of anybody because I was too shy. But I figured that if I couldn’t sing, then at least I could act. When I was 6, I began going to acting summer camps, including one with the East Bay Center for the Performing Arts (the place that now supplies most of my filmmaking equipment). Soon, I gave up my dream of being a singer and decided I wanted to be an actor. But later, I realized acting was too unstable to suit my needs for (at least) moderate financial security. I gave up my dream of being an actor when I was eleven, and decided I wanted to be a writer. I soon discovered that being a writer was even less stable than being an actor, and if I became a playwright, I would get very little credit for my efforts. I decided I didn’t want to be a writer anymore, but I still didn’t know what I wanted to be. This period of indecision started when I was thirteen and ended fairly recently, only last June. It was in June that I learned how to use Final Cut Pro. (Final Cut Pro is a type of video editing software used on Macs. It is considered one of the industry leading brands of video editing software. The version I use is a bit old, though.) I took four classes on how to use Final Cut Pro on Saturdays in June from the resident “film guy” at the East Bay Center. That was all the formal training I ever got—the rest of it was on-the-job. After that, I was off and running.

Over the summer (and for the past three summers) I went to the Diploma Program at the East Bay Center for the Performing Arts. This is a program that helps teens and preteens who are passionate in their artistic field of study to pursue their dreams and to further their artistic abilities. My artistic field fell under drama, although film is technically not a performing art. During the Diploma Program this past summer, I made a movie for the Center displaying all the work the students did in the summer intensive part of the program (the program continues into the school year, during which we take the classes that the Center offers—for free). I did not get paid for this, even though the Center has used it to show their granters (as a non-profit, the Center gets grants for all its special programs, like the Diploma Program). Now I am getting paid though, as the Center has seen the kind of work I can do. (I get paid $10/hr to do something I would do for free! Can you believe it?) I did not, of course, get paid for the project I did for school. That was something I did separately, and I had to put working on hold so that I could get it finished.

The best parts of filmmaking are:
The smell of a newly finished script, coming up with a brilliant idea for a shot while storyboarding, having just the right person to play the part, finally getting that take right after 7 tries, getting an unruly actor to keep in line, coming up with a brilliant idea for a shot while on location, using high definition cameras, getting a shot right on the first take, putting all the shots in sequence while editing and seeing the rough draft, slow-mo!!!, crossfades, finally getting that shot to look right after spending an hour tweaking it, having someone to critique your work as you’re still revising it, printing your movie to a DVD, playing the movie for your family and friends and having them tell you how cool that was, the anxiousness/excitement before playing the movie for strangers, playing the movie for strangers and having them tell you how FUCKING AWESOME that was, the satisfaction that comes from a job well done….

Filmmaking doesn’t just have to be serious, though. It can be lighthearted and silly, like the stuff you often see on Youtube. If you have a camcorder and a simple editor like iMovie or Windows Movie Maker you can make your own videos. The overabundance of videos on Youtube is a testament to how easy it really is.

The animal I think I am most like would either be an owl or a cat. This is because they are both considered loners and are also considered intelligent. I'm not sure if "loner" is the appropriate term for what I am. I simply prefer my own company to other people's. To other people this might sound lonely, but when I've spent too much time with other people I have to spend some time by myself to recharge. I really can't tell you how much I HATE large crowds (especially when they're mindlessly chanting " '08, '09, '10, '11!!!!!"). Certainly I do have a few people whom I enjoy hanging out with, but these people number fewer than twenty. Also, cats and owls are both considered intelligent, only in different ways. Cats are considered clever, whereas owls are considered wise. I would like to think that I am both of these things, only I'm pretty sure if you think you're wise then you're automatically not wise because you have no humility. Humility is pretty important when it comes to being wise. Another aspect of myself that immediately made me consider these two animals was one of my physical features: my eyes. Not only are they prominent like a cat's or owl's eyes, but when I am very focused on something I don't blink. If you watch me go off into a place a friend of mine has dubbed "Lani's Thinkyland" (i.e. spacing out) you will notice my eyes will not blink once until I withdraw into reality once again. This can be a rather freaky experience if I happen to be looking in your direction when I space out. I have gotten many strange looks from people because of this trait. I apologize if I did this to you in English class (a place it is very liable to happen), I assure you I was not staring at you.

I took the quiz on the web site and it said I was a "lone wolf", which is essentially what I have said above. It said I was independent, which is something I have had people tell me I am before. I don't understand this, as I am still a teenager and I still live with my parents. I depend on them to stay alive. I suppose I do have a sort of "independence of thought", but then, doesn't everybody?

An irrational childhood fear I have is a fear of robbers. Recently I have gotten over it, but just a few years ago I thought every creak of the house was someone breaking in. And this someone always had a knife or a gun, and was not afraid to use deadly force to get our valuables.
The history of this fear stems from an unfortunate incident when I was nine. A robber got into our rooms downstairs while we were having dinner and took some of our things. (A short explanation of the layout of my house: The kitchen, dining room and living room are upstairs. Our bedrooms are downstairs.) There were several issues at play here in the creation of my fear. First, there was the simple fact that a stranger had been inside our home unbeknownst to us, a scary thought in and of itself. The second factor was the fact that I was partially to blame for the robbery. (I had failed to completely close the back door because we had recently remodeled and the door was poorly cut. This was why our alarm system did not go off.) A third factor is what the robber took. From my parents’ room, he took some old tape players. He didn’t even take any of my mom’s jewelry. But from my room, he took all of the money out of my piggy bank. I had $200 in there! That was all the money I had ever gotten from grandparents, allowance, and doing yard work. That money was everything to me. It was my security. I was saving up to buy something, though at the time I didn’t know what. I spent countless hours counting it and recounting it, just to see how much I had. (After the robbery, I hid my money in my room until I got a bank account. I didn’t even let my parents know where I hid it.) This was not even the worst of it. The worst part of it was that this happened ON MY BIRTHDAY!!! I had been upstairs, eating my birthday dinner and watching the Hey Arnold movie while this robber was taking all of my money. I had already put my birthday money in my piggy bank, so I didn’t even have that.
For several weeks after this I had nightmares about robbers coming in and trying to kill me. This was one of the few times my imagination has hindered me. I must have come up with at least 100 scenarios of how I would try to confront the robbers and save my family. Sometimes I would succeed. Often I didn’t. At night, I was often paralyzed with fear to cross the darkened hall from the bathroom to my bedroom. Only in the bathroom and in my bedroom was I safe. In the hallway I was fair game. Although I had convinced myself of my safety in my bedroom, I often kept scissors under my pillow.
Now, I am mostly better. Sometimes when I’m alone and the house creaks at night, I will think it is someone tiptoeing through the house. Most of the time I shrug this first instinct off and realize it is just the house, but this fear has irreversibly changed my life.